How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
