totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
