Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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