I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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