Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
