I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
