Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
