Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
