so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
