there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
