peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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