1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
