masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
