Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
