I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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