so that wasnt chicken after all
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
