she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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