Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
