Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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