strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Two words: nipple clamps
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