member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
