Your mouth is God's brothel.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize