This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
