You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
