Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
