man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
