My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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