You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i dont even know how to be here
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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