Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I think I am morally bankrupt
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My vagina just recognized that song.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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