Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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