So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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