Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
