Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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