Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
