I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
