so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
