I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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