Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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