Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
