By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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