you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sext me about skeletons
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
