Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
