Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
