It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
