apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
