I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
