You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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