he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
