That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You ruined the universe
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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