sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
