I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
