Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
