my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
