How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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