How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
