Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
