Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize