My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
