I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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