I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
