Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
