I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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