Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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