so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
