I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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