Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
