So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I could fuck to npr.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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