if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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